Free will. That shiny theological bauble Christianity loves to dangle in front of you like it’s a gift, a virtue, a divine blessing. "God loves you so much," they say, "He lets you choose." How generous of him. How noble. How utterly full of shit.
Let’s rip off the robes and look under the cassock: This isn’t free will. It’s spiritual parole under cosmic surveillance. You're not free—you’re being watched. Constantly. Judged. Continuously. Threatened. Eternally. Your so-called “choice” is nothing more than a rigged game with two doors: one labeled “eternal bliss if you obey,” the other “unending torture if you don't.” And they dare to call this freedom?
If your boss said you could choose whatever you want at lunch, but if you don’t pick what he likes, he’ll fire you, set your house on fire, and scream at your family for eternity—would you call that free will? No. You’d call that psychotic. But slap a cross on it and suddenly it’s divine justice.
The Christian model of free will is the celestial version of “The call is coming from inside the house.” Every thought you think is supposedly known. Every private moment catalogued. Your browser history, your dirty dreams, your existential doubts? All captured by the divine NSA in the sky. Omniscience, they call it. Sounds a lot like an Orwellian surveillance state to me, except this one doesn't need wires or bugs—it’s in your head and your soul, from birth until decomposition.
But here’s the real punchline: science backs up what your gut already suspected—free will is a neurological illusion. Long before your conscious mind says “I choose,” your brain’s already made the call. This isn't conjecture. It’s been demonstrated in repeatable, empirical experiments going back to the 1980s.
Take the Libet experiments. EEG scans showed that your brain registers the decision to move a muscle a full third of a second before you become consciously aware of deciding. More recent studies, using fMRI, show predictive patterns up to 7–10 seconds in advance. That means the subconscious machinery of your brain is pulling levers while your conscious mind is still sipping coffee and pretending to be in charge.
What feels like choice is actually post-hoc narration. You’re not the captain of the ship. You’re the PR department justifying where it’s sailing.
So not only is the Christian version of free will a bad con job—it’s layered on top of a delusion that doesn’t even hold up under a brain scan. It’s the cosmic equivalent of blaming the puppet for the ventriloquist’s punchline.
“God gives you the choice,” they say, “but He already knows what you’ll choose.” Well then it's not a choice, is it? It's a setup. It's like being handed a revolver with one chamber loaded and told, “Go ahead—spin the cylinder. You’ve got agency.” Meanwhile, the deity behind the curtain is the one who made the damn gun, loaded the bullet, and built the rules of the game. But it’s your fault if it goes off. How convenient.
And let's not pretend this was ever about informed consent. You're handed this entire metaphysical ultimatum before you can even legally rent a car. Baptized before you understand death. Raised to believe there's a being who loves you but will light you on fire forever if you don't reciprocate. And the kicker? You’re told you made the decision.
The Christian version of free will is the theological equivalent of those “Accept All Cookies” pop-ups on every website. Sure, you can say no—but then nothing works. You’re not free. You’re being funneled. Herded. Gaslit into obedience and made to thank them for the privilege.
And don’t get me started on the laughable mental gymnastics of apologetics trying to square divine omniscience with human autonomy. They’ll twist themselves into philosophical pretzels, trying to argue that God knows everything you’ll do, but somehow doesn’t cause it. It’s like claiming the author of a book doesn’t influence the ending. Spoiler: if you write the damn story, you control the outcome.
But the faithful cling to this illusion because it’s the only thing standing between them and the realization that they are pawns in a divine drama where the ending’s been written, the audience is invisible, and the reviews are eternal punishment or sycophantic praise.
So no, I don’t buy it. I won’t pretend the leash is a garland just because it’s gold-plated. I won’t call it freedom when there’s a flaming pit waiting behind one wrong step.
I’ll take my messy, chaotic, actual freedom over their rigged game of divine blackmail any day. Because real freedom doesn’t come with a surveillance clause, an eternal punishment threat, or a narcissistic deity tallying your infractions with infinite scrutiny.
If your god has to dangle hell over your head for you to love him, then you’re not a worshiper. You’re a hostage.
Further Reading (For Those Not Afraid of the Truth):
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"Free Will" – Sam Harris
A surgical takedown of the very idea of conscious control. Short, brutal, and impossible to unsee once it lands. -
"Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst" – Robert Sapolsky
Dense and brilliant. Breaks down how behavior arises from brain chemistry, hormones, genetics, and environment—none of which asked your permission. -
"The Illusion of Conscious Will" – Daniel M. Wegner
Academic and hefty, but this one’s a masterclass in showing how your brain tricks you into thinking you’re in charge. -
"Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain" – David Eagleman
A more accessible look into the subconscious drivers pulling your strings while your conscious mind plays dress-up. -
"Breaking the Spell: Religion as a Natural Phenomenon" – Daniel C. Dennett
Not just about free will, but rips apart the machinery of belief and how religion feeds on cognitive shortcuts. -
"The Soul Fallacy: What Science Shows We Gain from Letting Go of Our Soul Beliefs" – Julien Musolino
Bye-bye soul, and with it, the fantasy that you’re some ghost-in-the-machine calling your own shots.
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